I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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