you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
