Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
