no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
