I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
