can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
