I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
