You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
