you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
