It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What a dumb baby whore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
