Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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