I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
