I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
