Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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