Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
