eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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