I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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