Ambien. No doubt about it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
