this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
