yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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