After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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