I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sext me about skeletons
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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