I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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