well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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