Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
