Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
