I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
wow bdsm is so cute
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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