And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
