8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
