the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Houston, we have a squirter
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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