Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
