I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
