I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
