Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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