i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
