Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
