Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
