youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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