Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
