My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
