dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
