checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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