How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I pour the whiskey from now on
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
