I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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