so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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