I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
