You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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