So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
