I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
