I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
