I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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