STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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